Finally!

My Grandfather on Dad’s side was born in 1860 and died in 1940. He was 45 when dad was born. Dad was 44 when I arrived. I was 35 when Ruth showed up. Ruth is 36 now.

We’re slow breeders. But the curse of telling people that my daughters refuse to breed, is now broken.

Ruth is with child.

About damn time.

I’ve seen your grand-kids and they are very cool. The relationship you have with them, the joy and meaning they impart. Now I get to join you for some serious self-centered one on one with a brand new human. My only responsibility being play time.

Plus, he’s a boy. With two daughters and a wife, I’ve always been outnumbered. Thinking my best chances of escaping unscathed hinged on my willingness to please. That’s been my SOP with the girls. To do my best to make them happy. No blood splattered walls from not adhering to that plan.

But now a boy! What am I supposed to do, take him to Dave and Busters when he’s 10 and I’m 80? Hooters? Maybe I’ll Teach him how to dip cherry bombs repeatedly into glue and BB bullets. Show him how to shove the fuse up the filter end of a lit cigarette when he needs 7-minutes to get away? Maybe I can show him how to see 10,000,000 strange new critters live their busy lives through a microscope?

A lesson in perspective.

I’ll teach him how to braise Lamb Shanks with a side of Risotto. We’ll go out into the woods where the power lines run and shoot pistols. Maybe we could sing some harmony’s together. I have a perfect Lucinda Williams tune picked out.

We’ll talk about high quality knives and dogs of all temperaments and sizes.

It’s important that he know the man, OK the child, in the mirror is primarily in charge of his reactions. No one makes me mad, I may react with anger, but that’s on me. He needs to understand that.

And it all gets down to the “do unto others” ethic.

Oh, and question everything, including me. Run it all through your own bullshit meter and see if it makes sense for you. 

But I’ll shut up and listen to what you want to say. I believe you have a lot of things to teach me that I’ve never known anything about at all. I expect to be amazed.

I’ll be 80 by the time you’re 10 so we have a lot of ground to cover and not all that much time to cover it. Be ready to get started just after the cold air, rude lights and undignified slap on the ass.

We both have a lot to learn.