I had never met Rich or Mary until I flew into San Francisco last week to do just that. He picked me up at the airport and took me straight to their house on the side of a hill. I could have been any generic serial killer, fully stocked with the requisite ropes and trash bags for body parts in my overhead carry-on. The knives would have to come from their own kitchen. But fearlessly into the house on the side of a hill we went, like old friends. Of course pretty much everything is on the side of a hill there. Looking up at so many colorful houses sitting in the sun and shifting half shades made me think of similar hillsides in Greece or Italy. Very European. I was given the grand tour of their nest. This is us. Filled with family antiques and inviting warmth, it was a perfect reflection of who I thought they were. We went down into the basement, a real basement. We don’t have any of those here in Florida. His video room where he escapes to decompress and get creative, Mary’s art room, filled with 1,000 little boxes holding sequins and paints and anything else she may need to create a masterpiece. A huge furnace sat next to the washer and dryer under the insulated ductwork that shot off in sharp angles as it clung to the ceiling. We looked into the rec room set up for their 15 y/o daughter, Kali, and her peeps. Rich and Mary don’t need to say: “why don’t you and your friends go downstairs” It’s a haven for teens to chatter and share secrets for their ears only, and it’s the perfect place for them to escape from…Rich and Mary.
We uncovered common ground on their dining room table, heaped with family pictures and stiff old black and white photos of ancestors who had known hard times as they migrated West. Some had settled into a hole they dug out on the open plains, shelter until a real home could be built a few years later. It was interesting to hear that Grandparents never mentioned those dark, hard times. Too many bad memories there. We spoke of my own ancestors, fighting Indians in San Antonio before the Alamo put that town on the map. The big overstuffed couch in their living room hugged me with easy familiarity and invited me to stay…right…there.
Several years ago I met Rich on Facebook. You know, friend of a friend. Like most of us, I scroll through the reposts, the picture of a little bald girl who won’t get chemo unless she gets 1,000,000 “likes”, the challenges to repost various causes…“I think I know which of my friends will and who won‘t…” Too many posts with nothing to say. But Rich stood out. From the beginning, it was obvious that he was an articulate guy who didn’t wallow in fluff. A caring person who pulls for the underdog and what’s right. But not right, right, more left actually. I liked that. Back and forth for a few years, private messages to elaborate on this or that. His friends call Rich a “pot stirrer”. he won’t just go along with the status quo if it doesn’t fit. So we talked about god, or the apparent human need to invent one, politics, hidden agendas, power and corruption. We spoke of his whip-smart daughter, Kali, and her innate calling to shine on the stage of life itself. I understood, I have a daughter like that too. She’s ten years older though so I tried to provide a bit of insight as to what to expect when you have a true force of nature living in your house and anticipate her move out into the world. Beautiful Mary is queen of the castle and like most women of substance and character, I suspect she has a backbone of steel.
Rich and Mary know I’m a “foodie” so they took me to Yank Sing for dim sum. They don’t know, however, about my need to sit with my back to the wall and I didn’t make an issue of it. So when we sat down and 17 small Oriental ladies came rushing at my back offering steamer baskets filled with bite-sized dumplings packed with heavenly bits, I had all systems on full alert. With a fork tucked discretely into my palm I figured that at least I had some small chance of survival if one of them turned out to be the assassin. I knew that a quick plunge of a chopstick into my right ear would not give me much of an opportunity to retaliate, but it gave me comfort to hold that fork anyway. Richard and Mary know me pretty well by now, but sometimes there are disturbing psychological issues that are best kept from even your very closest friends.
With such a quick hit-and-run afternoon in San Francisco, we barely had time to visit a few of the “must see” sights. Barefoot 20 something’s hung out at the intersection of Haight and Ashbury, dreadlocks stuffed up into multicolored Rastafarian caps. I don’t think Jerry Garcia and the boys knew anything about dreads back in the daze but I’m sure it feels right now for those kids loitering under that famous cross-street sign. We went up and down lots of city streets flanked by townhouses built of real brick and stone, punctuated by huge Victorian homes heavy with decorative twists and turns. Of course we had to drive down to the waterfront for a few obligatory pictures of Alcatraz Island. I stood back and took pictures of Rich taking pictures of the Golden Gate Bridge while the people behind me took pictures of me taking pictures.
And suddenly, five hours after arrival, I was back at the airport sharing a hurried good-by with the brother that I had just met. Unlike my real brother though, I didn’t worry that Rich was going to get me down into a headlock and make me say: “Iggie wiggie, I’m a piggy” before he would let me back up. Thanks for that too, Rich. Great seeing you and Mary. Come to Florida and we’ll eat some Alligator tail or cooter. But if you want to sit with your back to the wall, we’ll have to sit next to each other and be willing to sacrifice Carla and Mary as our first line of defense against the assassins.
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