Fight fan? Most of my closer friends know that I’m a huge
MMA fan. I’ve never missed a big UFC event since that promotion first started
in the early 1990’s. In general, the fighters, men and now women too, range in
age from 20 to 40. Twenty is pretty young to be any good and forty is old for
your body to be able to take it. But I want to bring a new element to the
sport, something as big or bigger than when women became regular fighters,
not just a novelty. I want to start MMA for seniors over 60. Hell, I’m 68,
still work out pretty regularly, know and love MMA, and I should be able to
fight some other old codger if I want to. People love to see old guys fight,
right? There’s huge potential here for an entirely new division…geriatric
grapplers, belligerent, cantankerous, and easily exhausted.
We’ll need a few new rules though. Like no punching to the head. That gives me headaches. No punches to the stomach either, I’ve got a hernia. No grappling on the ground, just getting down there and then back up is a bitch, not so easy without a chair or something to lean on. I mean, I swear a blue streak and need pain meds just to put on socks and shoes, so the idea of wrestling and going for submission holds that any decent ground game requires, just sounds too painful to deal with. Naturally we’ll need to change the time for each round just a bit. Instead of three, 5 minute rounds, I’m thinking we need to go to three rounds at 1.5 minutes each with ten minutes in between rounds and a built in pee break. Oxygen and funeral services should be available as needed.
Also, no jumping, or kicking. That shit causes serious spine problems. I would have to take a permanent room in my Chiropractor’s office.
But that pretty much covers it. You must be over 60 and ready to fight like a crazy man. But no kicking, jumping, strikes to the head or body, and no wrestling or ground work. OK?
This is going to be huge. I’m eager for my first fight, more like a caged tiger than just a man. My friends (trainers) and I strategize every morning at our gym, on the couch, next to the coffee machine. Collectively, we’re a frightening killing machine, and I’m their champion.
I just hope to get this fight over before my scheduled hip replacement in February.
We’ll need a few new rules though. Like no punching to the head. That gives me headaches. No punches to the stomach either, I’ve got a hernia. No grappling on the ground, just getting down there and then back up is a bitch, not so easy without a chair or something to lean on. I mean, I swear a blue streak and need pain meds just to put on socks and shoes, so the idea of wrestling and going for submission holds that any decent ground game requires, just sounds too painful to deal with. Naturally we’ll need to change the time for each round just a bit. Instead of three, 5 minute rounds, I’m thinking we need to go to three rounds at 1.5 minutes each with ten minutes in between rounds and a built in pee break. Oxygen and funeral services should be available as needed.
Also, no jumping, or kicking. That shit causes serious spine problems. I would have to take a permanent room in my Chiropractor’s office.
But that pretty much covers it. You must be over 60 and ready to fight like a crazy man. But no kicking, jumping, strikes to the head or body, and no wrestling or ground work. OK?
This is going to be huge. I’m eager for my first fight, more like a caged tiger than just a man. My friends (trainers) and I strategize every morning at our gym, on the couch, next to the coffee machine. Collectively, we’re a frightening killing machine, and I’m their champion.
I just hope to get this fight over before my scheduled hip replacement in February.
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