Mr UPS man, we still need to talk...

When you pull up into the front yard of a rural old home and a young, twenty something woman comes running at you dressed in a white T-shirt to the waist and two hands full of a Stainless Steel Mini-14 with a 30 round clip, it gets your attention. The UPS guy had good reason to be concerned. A week prior he had pulled up too close to the log cabin. He had taken the liberty to drive on my lawn right up to the front door. That's where Ohio, our trusted Shepard mix and protector, challenged him. She told him that he was too close, to back off, not to fuck with Carla or the girls. But the UPS guy maced my dog. And Carla, pregnant Carla, got maced too. She told me, and I wanted to fuck the guy up, of course. But time and talk intervened and all I did was to call his supervisor and tell him what happened. I also requested that he send the guy back again so I could break his nose and squirt mace up into his open and damaged sinus cavities. I know that would sting. There have been many times over the last 20 years when I wished for the opportunity to hold that guy to the ground with my knees and put stuff up his nose....you know, bathroom cleaners and things like that.