A Good God

After US Air Flight 1549 plunged into the Hudson River a few years back and all 155 passengers survived, a friend of mine posted a note on her Facebook page that read: “It’s wonderful to know that God is still creating miracles in our modern world!” Or something like that. I couldn’t help myself and I replied: “But if he is such a good God, why would he let the plane crash in the first place?”

She wrote back: “Good point!”

So I’m thinking: Good point? You don’t ask yourself these questions? You “live your life in faith”, see a plane crash like that, and think the fact that everyone survived is proof that God is active in this mess and choose to save everyone…without wondering why he let the crash happen in the first place? I don’t get it.

Anyway, I checked into it to get some answers and apparently it all went something like this:

God was sitting around the house in his boxers drinking a Samuel Adams beer. (After all, it is heaven, right?) He was watching an episode of People TV. It’s interactive. Certainly he had enjoyed more than just one Sam Adams and he was feeling a little froggy. So God saw flight 1549 leave the airport and thought he would have some fun. “Watch this!” he thought to himself “I know, I know, I’ve got a little devil in me, but who doesn’t?” Right then he pointed his finger at the airplane and sent it crashing into the sea.

Well Mrs. God walked into the room about two seconds later and she saw what God was up to. He knew he was about to catch hell. Mrs. God was not too pleased that God was sitting around in his boxers drinking beer and watching People TV anyway, and when she saw him sitting at the edge of his seat cheering and yelling at the screen, she got that face like she was smelling poop. For some reason Mrs. God was never very happy to see God enjoy himself too much anyway which explains a few things for me, knowing that man was created in God’s image and all.

So she said to God in a not very nice voice: “God, what are you doing?” Now considering the fact that God takes credit for the creation of all heaven and earth it was kind of funny that he became instantly defensive as he shot back: “Oh honey, I’m just having some fun!”, and while Mrs. God bent down to retrieve an empty Cape Cod potato chip bag off the floor, God waved his hand quickly at the People TV screen and saved everyone on the flight. Mrs. God looked up and God said: “Look honey, they’re all OK anyway, nobody really got hurt. It’s fine!” Mrs. God paused and God continued, “I’m tired of this show anyway. Let’s go out in the yard and I’ll put up that Hummingbird feeder you bought. Do you know where you want me to hang it?” Mrs. God liked the sound of that and knew the time was ripe to ask: “Ok, honey but can we also go to the mall and see if Linens- N- Things finally got in that dust ruffle for the God sized bed too?” Now God had been married a long time and he was no dummy either so God saw a little opportunity in there for himself as well, so he said to Mrs. God: “OK, but when we get back home can we spend a little time together, just to cuddle? We haven’t spent any time together at all today.” (Of course when a man forces himself to use the word “cuddle” it’s just man speak for sex but men know that approaching things like that too directly isn’t smart.)

Turning quickly toward the door to go get ready for the mall, Mrs. God said “Yes Honey…” (God smiled and made a mental note to buy some extra protection at the mall. He knew he didn’t want to have to think about how he would handle a whole “baby brother of Jesus” story line for People TV.)

As God got up from his Lazy Boy to go get dressed for the trip to the mall, he chuckled as he thought of flight 1549 and all those passengers just starting to ease back and dream of in flight peanuts… and then suddenly shooting straight down into the icy waters of the Hudson River. All that terror and chaos must have really made them poop their pants! He had to laugh; turning off the set, smiling at lingering images of people crowding out the doors of the plane and jumping into icy water with their headsets dangling, still plugged into iPods that were also about to take a bath…pretty funny stuff he thought, “I can’t wait to tell St Peter about this!” God smiled as he left the room thinking to himself “I saved all those people! I’m a good God!”